I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
