at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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