She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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