Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think my vagina is haunted
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
