I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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