So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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