Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize