The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
