I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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