I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
