Three words: puerto rican gang bang
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
