why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize