It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
