I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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