Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize