haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
