Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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