dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
