Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
