I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
