i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
