Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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