I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
