I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
