I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize