my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
