I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
