Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
