Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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