I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize