i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
