he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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