I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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