I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
