So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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