my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
