I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
