just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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