When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
