Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
