why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
