i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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