just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
