Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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