dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
