South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
