he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
