He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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