i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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