she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
