My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize