K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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