as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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