I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
