It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
