I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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