You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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