there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
