help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
