my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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