Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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