it hurts more in the daytime
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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