my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
