I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
