he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
