Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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