So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
