I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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