I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
