i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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