let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
