Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I could make wine with my vomit
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
