New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize