oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
