I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
