I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
