i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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