the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
