Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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