I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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