OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
