Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
