Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
