Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
