Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
