I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
