I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
