He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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