Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
