I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
