Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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